don't disturb this groove

© The System

As Saturday's sunset loomed, some bold moves were initiated. I navigated my way through my computer's 300-gigabyte external hard drive. I spotted the folder discreetly named "Mixtapes."

With a swift right click, I deleted that precious folder. No biggie, right? Well, that folder held over 45 gigabytes of artistic but informative, tantalizing, sultry, adult entertainment. But because I'm a rather simple kind of guy, let's just call it porn. My instructional videos became my addiction.

Just for background sake, "Mixtapes" are code for porno around my way. Yup, I wiped out all of those Afternoon Delights and Midnight Snacks from my hard drive.

I feel proud of myself now. I mean, I know incredibly too much about porn as it is. That reminds me -- I actually have a few industry ladies as myspace/ facebook/ twitter friends. I mean, why is the question that lingers.

Why did I spend one morsel of energy downloading Paris Hilton during freshman year in Cabaniss Dorm Hall? Watching so much porn would allow me to rattle off names of actresses/ actors/ directors/ studio companies/ camera techniques, et cetera. I know all of these categories and subcategories ranging from POV, MILF, Ebony, Big Butts to Gonzo (Hunter S. Thompson shoutout!). I even joked about making a flick with a beta cam that my production professor let me borrow for a family documentary. But I knew I reached ultimate infamy when people approached me, asking me about that Ray J. sex tape?

I don't know, dingleberry. Go ask T-Pain!

As a high school student, I somehow became known for inciting porn-inspired conversations ( I sold magazines and VHS tapes). I guess that was my signature ice-breaker. My nickname should've been "All Hands On Deck." But times are different. I am almost 25. When I sit at my computer, I should be adding more bullets to my resume and not streaming trailers, downloading full-length videos, searching for passwords, choking chickens, or spanking moneys -- besides PETA is taking this animal cruelty thing too far.

I feel empowered though. 

So, farewell Onion Booty, Bang Bros., AdultBay.Org, Brazzers, Spank Wire, YouJizz, MILF Hunter and the hundreds of unnamed websites.

Goodbye Olivia O'Lovely, Lacy Duvalle, Gianna Michaels, Sinnamon Love, Diamond Foxxx, Misty Blue, Ava Devine, Sophie Dee, Roxy Reynolds, Jayden James, Cherokee, Superhead, Deauxma, Havana Ginger, Priya Rai, and Alexis Silver. I know it will be difficult but I am determined to combat my vices. Wish me luck.

[audio:|titles=80's Slow Jams - The System - Dont Disturb This Groove]

© MGNTK 2019